Happiness ( inkl. 20 pics )

“A great obstacle to happiness is to expect too much happiness.” – Bernard de Fontenelle

How to Have More Sex

 Add some va-va-voom to your bedroom 

 

MAKE SEX A FIVE-LEVEL ADVENTURE
Why It’ll Work: You have a lot of tricks at your disposal when you slip between the sheets. Why not use them all?
According to a study of 3,990 people at the University of Indiana, when couples performed four different sex acts—including different types of foreplay and vaginal penetration—the woman reached orgasm 76 percent of the time.
With five acts, she reached orgasm 89 percent of the time.
Here’s the best part: Both oral and manual stimulation on the guy count as separate sex acts. Return the favor, and you’re already two-thirds of the way there.
STOCK UP YOUR WINE COLLECTION
Why It’ll Work: You probably know that a glass or two of red wine with dinner each night is good for your heart. A study in Italy (where else?) found that it can also spice up your sex life.
The researchers found that women who drank two glasses of red wine each day wanted sex more frequently and experienced better natural lubrication during sex than women who drank less often. The scientists believe the polyphenols in wine may help improve blood flow down below.
ACT LESS LIKE RICHARD BRANSON, MORE LIKE TOM BRADY
Why It’ll Work: Sure, sometimes it seems like rich guys get all the babes. In reality, most women only size up your financial situation when she’s ready to commit to a long-term relationship, according to a University of New Mexico study.
(Even then, she’s probably not looking for a billionaire, just a man with his act together).
Prior to that point, women in the mood for a casual fling judge men on impressive physical features, such as height and broad shoulders. You can boost your deltoids with this smart shoulder workout.
And while you can’t change your height, a study in the journal Evolutionary Psychology found that photos of men with their chin tilted slightly up were deemed more attractive by women, because it gives the illusion of looking up at a taller face.
Improve your posture, flexibility, and strength with this 21-Day Power Yoga Transformation challenge. No yogi required!
TAKE AN IMPROV COMEDY CLASS
Why It’ll Work: Conan O’Brien dated Lisa Kudrow. Norm MacDonald dated Elle Macpherson.
See a pattern?
A study in France found that when a guy approaches a woman after joking with his friends, he can get her number 43 percent of the time.
Guys who simply laugh at their friends’ jokes before asking a girl out, however, are only successful 15 percent of the time.
Improv classes—which are widely available in both big and small cities—can both help fine tune your funny bone and teach you how to think faster on your feet.
SET UP A GUYS' WEEKEND FOR YOU, GIRLS’ WEEKEND FOR HER
Why It’ll Work: A little time apart can be just the thing to heat up your flagging sex life. In a study at the University of Texas, researchers found that just before women in a long-distance relationship reunite with their beaus, their testosterone levels spike.
Although testosterone is generally much lower in women than in men, it’s an essential component of her libido. Suggest she take a trip to reunite with her college friends over the next long weekend, while you go camping with your bros.
Just make sure you plan to get back early enough to have time to—ahem—“reunite.”
WATCH FOR WIDE EYES AND RAISED EYEBROWS
Why It’ll Work: Her facial expressions offer clues to whether or not she’ll be fun in the bedroom.
When researchers at Florida State University watched a woman and a man alone in a room, they found that opening her eyes wide and lifting her eyebrows, along with sidelong glances at the man, were correlated with a high level of sexual openness in a survey.
Surprisingly, while plenty of other flirty behavior might indicate she’s interested, it didn’t correlate with more adventurous sexuality.
That includes the typical hallmarks of touching her hair, touching the man, smiling, laughing, sitting close, and dressing provocatively.
HOLD HER GAZE
Why It’ll Work: Want her to know you’re interested? Simply maintain eye contact.
A study in the journal Psychological Science found that women don’t like it when you come right out and say you’re into them; they prefer guys with a little mystery.
Think of it like the show Lost: She spends more time thinking about you if your feelings are unclear.
But a separate study at Purdue University determined that if you keep glancing off to the side while chatting up a woman, she’ll interpret it as a lack of respect.
The solution: Look her in the eye while she speaks (of course, it helps if you also listen), and when you speak, glance to a spot a little bit behind her head so you seem intrigued but not obsessed.
BROWSE ONLINE PORN TOGETHER
Why It’ll Work: Al Bundy could rely on his curated stack of Playboys forever. Women, on the other hand, get tired of the same erotic scenes.
In a Dutch study of genital arousal, men (not surprisingly) were consistently turned on by watching 18 similar X-rated scenes, while women’s arousal dropped over time. A new or different type of clip, however, usually made her arousal spike again.
Don’t just call her over to watch some new video you found—let her do the surfing to pinpoint exactly what turns her on.
PHONE A FRIEND
Why It’ll Work: Both Seinfeld and When Harry Met Sally declared that men and women can’t have sex and still be friends.
Science disagrees.
In a study at the University of South Alabama, women said the top two reasons they would accept a booty call is if they’re already friends with the guy, and his sole reason for calling is sex—meaning, this isn’t a part of telling your kids how you met their mother.
(Number three on her list: The guy’s physical attractiveness.) Just don’t bring up your past exploits—the main reason women reject a hookup is if they feel a guy is a player.
LEARN TO LOVE LUBE
Why It’ll Work: Only 25 percent of men use lubricant when they have sex, according to a study at Indiana University.
And while we’d all like to think that our foreplay skills are sufficient for lube to be unnecessary, another Hoosier study revealed that two thirds of women say that a little dab of lube makes sex more pleasurable and makes orgasm easier.
Pick up a good quality, water-based lubricant like Astroglide or Swiss Navy.
GET SWEATY
Why It’ll Work: Your sweat glands release a testosterone derivative called androstadienone. When researchers at the University of California, Berkeley had women sniff the chemical, their levels of cortisol, a hormone involved with sexual arousal, increased by 40 percent.
That, in turn, boosted their feelings of sexual arousal increased by a whopping 200 percent.
We’re not saying you should forgo deodorant, but it’s wise to be gentle with the cologne. Then share a fun physical activity you both enjoy, like dancing or going for a long run, and let her get close.
TAKE MORE DATES TO SPORTS BARS
Why It’?ll Work: Ladies love a winner. So much so, in fact, that watching someone you’re rooting for come out ahead can give you both a boost of sexual energy.
The evidence: A study at Villanova University found that the number of porn searches originating in Democratic-leaning states jumped after President Obama’s win in November 2008.
And the same was true in Republican districts in 2004 when George W. Bush was re-elected.
The next election isn’t until November, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get in on the fun. Instead, you can cheer on her college team during March Madness.
LET HER FINISH FIRST
Why It’ll Work: For guys, the goal of sex is generally to have sex—meaning vaginal intercourse—and reach orgasm.
And while women want to have sex too, of course, a British study found that women were more likely to orgasm during foreplay than during intercourse.
Put her over the top with manual stimulation (that is, using your hands and fingers), oral sex, or by using sex toys, and she’ll return the favor on you.
SIGN UP FOR A CO-ED SPORTS LEAGUE
Why It’ll Work: Athletic women tend to be less choosy with a guy’s looks than women with curvier figures, according to a study in Poland.
It comes down to estrogen: Greater amounts of body fat in voluptuous women produces more estrogen, which in turn triggers her maternal instincts.
Those motherly urges tell her to seek out a guy with great genes, and from an evolutionary standpoint, that means symmetrical features and a strong jaw.
Which is to say that if you’re not a ringer for Don Draper, you might have better luck with a slim, sports enthusiast. Sign up for a softball league, ultimate frisbee, or even join a rock climbing gym.
FIND YOUR INNER MONK
Why It’ll Work: One feature women find sexy above all: Stoic calm.
And it will show plainly on your face whether you’re feeling cool like Fonzie or as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
In a study at the Abertay University in Scotland, women gave the highest ratings of attractiveness to photos of men who also had low levels of the stress hormone cortisol in their blood—a sign that they were chilled out.
Work out stress by hitting the weights, taking a quick run, or learning how to meditate.
MEET A WOMAN BY HANGING OUT WITH YOUR FEMALE FRIENDS
Why It’ll Work: When other women appear to like you, it makes you more of a catch. Researchers in Scotland found that women rated pictures of a guy more attractive if he was shown with a woman smiling at him.
Since most women will likely assume that a guy and a girl hanging out together are a couple, head out with a co-ed pack of friends and let the ladies in your group act as wingwomen.
SACRIFICE LIFTING HIGHER WEIGHTS FOR PERFORMING MORE REPS
Why It’ll Work: Women prefer a Spiderman over Thor, at least when it comes to physique.
A study at the University of California, Los Angeles revealed that women prefer to date men with lean, toned muscle over guys who are stacked like champion bodybuilders.
The reason: Women assume those big pecs and traps were earned by spending long hours in the weight room—probably true—and that translates to less time the man will spend with her.
START WITH HER BREASTS
Why It’ll Work: The nipples are wired directly to her clitoris, neurologically speaking. Scientists at Rutgers University (who obviously live very difficult lives) performed brain scans on women who were masturbating.
The scans revealed that nipple play lit up the same region of the brain as when the women stimulated their clitoris. The researchers believe the shared connection may explain why some women can orgasm from nipple stimulation alone.
KEEP PACE IN CONVERSATION
Why It’ll Work: Whether she speaks with a slow Southern drawl or a fast East Coast patter, match the pace and rhythm that a woman uses.
Tha’s because people who talk at the same rate find each other more attractive than if one person speaks more slowly than the other, according to a study at the University of Maryland.
But just because you’re following her conversation speed doesn’t mean you should try to mimic her accent—Hugh Laurie you are not.
LAUGH AT YOURSELF
Why It’ll Work: You might think women like to hear all about your accomplishments and achievements. After all, isn’t that what Facebook was originally for?
But when researchers at the University of New Mexico had women listen to high-achieving men “talk” about themselves (the scripts were actually pulled from stand-up comedy routines), the ones who were the most self-deprecating were rated as sounding twice as attractive as guys who made fun of other people.
Turns out that showing you don’t take yourself too seriously is actually seen as a better sign of intelligence than talking about your graduate degree or how much you make.
DUST OFF YOUR SOCCER CLEATS
Why It’ll Work: Weightlifting, running, swimming, golf: All are great ways to stay in shape, but they won’t impress the opposite sex.
As it turns out, women favor guys who participate in team sports over those men who pursue solo athletic endeavors, according to a study at Laurentian University in Canada.
The researchers believe that playing on a team, whether it’s soccer, softball, or kickball, allows women to see guys assert their social dominance along with demonstrating physical prowess, which are both desirable traits in a mate.
FIND A QUIET, SECLUDED SPOT
Why It’?ll Work: A romp under the open sky is a common fantasy among women—and one that’s easy for you to indulge.
Researchers at Wayne State University had women watch a variety of porn scenes, and revealed that 55 percent of women felt the outdoor scenes were both physically arousing and mentally appealing.
That’s more than the number of ladies who liked watching missionary sex, men performing oral sex on women, bondage scenes, and threesomes.
WATCH HER POSE
Why It’ll Work: Here’s how to find out if a woman you’re chatting up is attracted to you: Without pausing the conversation, alter your body posture—cross your arms, lean forward, or shift your weight to the other foot. Wait a few seconds, then look to see if she matches your pose.
Women show attraction by mirroring your fidgeting and posture changes, according to a Dutch study.
It’s a tendency that’s hardwired into our brain, the researchers say, because we subconsciously want to mimic the people who hold our attention.
WHEN YOU ASK A WOMAN OUT, GENTLY TOUCH HER ARM
Why It’ll Work: Your touch helps form the beginnings of an emotional connection, and the forearms are both particularly sensitive and a socially acceptable body region to make first contact.
In fact, women at a nightclub were 50 percent more willing to accept an invitation from a guy to dance if he touched her arm as he spoke, according to a study at the University of South Brittany in France.
SPEED UP SEX
Why It’ll Work: Women say sex should only last between 7 and 13 minutes, according to a study at Penn State.
Any longer than that, and your partner may feel that her inadequacies are the reason you’re not reaching orgasm.Keep in mind that the clock only starts ticking once you begin vaginal intercourse. Spend some extra creativity on foreplay and kissing to make the full run of the bases more fun.
LET OUT YOUR INNER GEEK
Why It’ll Work: With superheros on the big screen, statisticians running major league teams, and macroeconomics in the news, there’s never been a better time than the present to be a nerd.
As the icing on that Yoda-shaped cake, when psychologists at Elon University had 200 women watch videos of men speaking about various topics, the men who were rated as both the best boyfriend material and a great potential hookup turned out to have the highest IQ scores.
The good news is that women were fairly accurate at guessing which men were the sharpest knives, so you don’t have to memorize pi to the 100th place.
Just don’t play dumb and let your true self shine.
WARM UP TO COLD SHOULDERS
Why It’ll Work: Women with very cold personalities have up to five times as many sexual partners as women with mild personalities, according to a study at Villanova University.
Since standoffish women aren’t as inclined to form a romantic connection, the psychologists say, they have more hookups and fewer long-term relationships.
WEAR A SPLASH OF RED
Why It’ll Work: When psychologists at the University of Rochester asked women to rate pictures of guys wearing different color shirts, the men garbed in crimson always came out on top.
That’s because the color red is subconsciously associated with power and status, researchers say.
Before you toss out your cool-hued wardrobe and dress like Santa, aim instead to subtly accessorize with red utilizing a patterned tie, pocket square, belt, or layered shirts.
And be aware that this is a two-way street: Men also rated ladies in red as more attractive in a separate study.
PRACTICE DOWNWARD DOG TO IMPROVE YOUR SEXUAL ENDURANCE
Why It’ll Work: Guys who suffer from premature ejaculation can find help in yoga.
A study in India (naturally) found that men who spent an hour each day practicing ordinary yoga—not any marathon-sex Tantric techniques you may have heard about—were able to triple the amount of time they lasted in bed.
In fact, the men that tried yoga were more likely to see an improvement in their premature ejaculation than guys who took the PE medication fluoxetine.
Researchers say that the routine of stretching and isometric holds helps improve core strength and pelvic muscle control, which are key in learning to prolong your orgasm.
Want to try but not interested in going to a yoga class? Try this 21-Day Power Yoga Transformation challenge.
GIVE TO CHARITY
Why It’ll Work: You should want to donate your money or your time—or better, both—to non-profit organizations out of a genuine desire to do good.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy other perks of philanthropy.
Researchers at Newcastle University in England found that when women were told that a guy gives to charity, they rated his attractiveness 10 percent higher.
If you don’t already have a favorite cause or organization, browse the extensive list at CharityNavigator.org, which evaluates non-profits based on their financial health, transparency, and accountability.

Be a better lover tonight

 We scoured the latest studies, grilled dozens of experts, and polled more than 700 women to come up with this enlightening list of 12 rules guaranteed to make you a better lover—tonight.

By turning her fantasies into reality, she'll be more likely to agree to act out your wildest sex dreams.And she'll want sex more often, so things will only get better every time you get naked with her.
1. Greater Focus Leads to Hotter Sex
What's the best way to unlock a woman's wildest desires in bed?
"Passion," said 42 percent of the women we surveyed.
"That means being in the moment and not being distracted," says Joel Block, Ph. D., a Long Island-based psychologist and the author of Secrets of Better Sex. "Sex is a conversation, and she doesn't want to feel like you wish you had your BlackBerry."
A woman takes attendance during sex in many ways, and the strongest signal you can send comes from your mouth. More than 90 percent of women we surveyed said a man's primal panting turns them on.
But use words over Tarzan grunts, if you can.
"You want to reassure her, 'Do that more,' 'That feels so good,' or 'Oh, I love that,' " says Logan Levkoff, Ph. D., a New York City-based sexologist and the author of Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be. Beyond giving her a confidence boost, the extra sensory seduction intensifies the experience.
Nonverbal communication is important, too.
Bursts of eye contact, lip nibbles, and any other kind of physical or verbal communication shows her she's the one pushing your buttons, not some fantasy fembot in your head.
If the soulful eye lock's not for you, bury your face in her neck, run the tip of your tongue from her collarbone to her earlobe, and whisper why she's driving you crazy.
2. Foreplay Can Be the Main Event
"'Foreplay' is a terrible word becase it implies that it's leading to something more important," says sexuality counselor Beverly Whipple, Ph. D., R. N., a coauthor of The G Spot and Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality. "You'll both have more fun if you think of it as sex play and make it about discovering and enjoying each other, not just reaching the finish line."
The women we surveyed agreed: Two in five said their last orgasm occurred during foreplay itself, not intercourse.
What's more, when asked to rank their partners' bedroom skills, the women's top two complaints were a lack of sexual creativity and subpar manual sex skills, in that order. Ouch.
Your move? Tell her you want to go three sack sessions sans penetration.
Ditching the same old script—foreplay, sex, cuddling—will help your creative instincts spring to life.
Bonus: Sexual novelty re-creates those early-relationship, take-me-now hormones, says psychiatrist Daniel Amen, M. D., the author of Sex on the Brain: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life.
3. Pleasure Isn't Satisfaction
The good news is you can give a woman both.
In a Kinsey Institute study, both women and men agreed that sex without condoms feels better—but women said using protection actually helps them feel more satisfied overall in the sack.
Even those using hormonal birth-control methods felt the effect: When they used condoms, they reported a 17.5 percent higher rate of overall satisfaction with their sex lives.
Why? This one's a no-brainer. When women worry less (say, about STDs), they enjoy themselves more.
Our pick for the condom that packs both pleasure and satisfaction: the Kimono MicroThin Ultra Lubricated . It's just 0.049 millimeters thick, about 20 percent thinner than others on the market, its makers claim.
4. "Gentle" Means More Than That
"That word is a woman's code telling you to be more sensitive to her cues," says Block. The more nerve-dense the hot spot is on a woman's body, the more careful your approach should be.
Clitoral contact in particular feels abrasive without a proper warmup, says Lou Paget, a sex educator and the author of How to Be a Great Lover.
If a woman yips or inhales suddenly when you go there—instead of purring or moaning—you've jumped the gun.
(For a step-by-step breakdown of how to bring her to orgasm with oral sex, check out How to Pleasure a Woman.)
Use indirect stimulation first, paying careful attention to her reactions as a guide.
The nerve-packed clitoris actually extends several inches under the skin on either side of her vagina (like a wishbone), which means you can massage it without direct pressure to the bud. Trace the extensions with flat, wide, extra-wet tongue strokes or slow finger zigzags. (Don't forget lube.) Then rub a slow spiral around the top, drawing closer with each pass.
The combo of anticipation and indirect contact will bring her pleasure centers to life.
If she coos, you've found her sweet spot. If she fidgets or gasps, take a step back.
5. Climate Is Crucial For Climax
Egyptian cotton and dimmer switches can't hurt, but your love chamber's thermostat is just as important, according to Dutch sex researchers.
"At the beginning of our trials, only 50 percent of our female subjects were able to reach orgasm," says study author Gert Holstege, M. D., Ph. D., chairman of the center for uroneurology at the University of Groningen, in the Netherlands. "But we learned they were uncomfortable because they had cold feet. We gave them socks, and 80 percent reached orgasm."
The socks aren't the secret, though.
"The amygdala and prefrontal cortex—the brain areas responsible for anxiety, fear, and danger signals—strongly decrease their activation during orgasm," says Dr. Holstege. "A pleasant environment, which includes the room temperature, is an important part of making her feel safe, secure, and comfortable," he adds.
"Imagine the ideal day at the beach," says Tristan Taormino, director of Vivid Entertainment's porn series Chemistry. "You want it just warm enough that she's happy to shed a layer or two, but not so hot that you'll end up drenched once you exert yourself."
6. Positions Need a Purpose
"There's no need to be overly fancy during sex—the very best positions are the ones that focus on the clitoris," says Levkoff.
Want to amp up her pleasure without risking a hamstring cramp? Ditch the flesh pretzel for these modified standards.
They're all designed to boost stimulation to her clitoris, which has even more nerve endings than the head of your penis.
Missionary: Instead of in-and-out thrusting, "have her grind against you in circles," says sex expert Tracey Cox, author of Secrets of a Supersexpert. "Keep as much of the base of your penis in contact with her outer lips as possible." Another option: Place two or three pillows under her butt to lift it off the bed at an angle. You'll rub against her more when thrusting.
Girl on Top: Make a V with two fingers, and place it so the point of the V (just between the two knuckles) is directly over her clitoris. Your fingers should come down on either side of your penis as she rides you. "This will stimulate the clitoris, inner labia, and urethra—as well as add intensity for you," Cox says.
Doggy-Style: "Have her lift her butt up or spread out your legs to move down and touch the supersensitive vaginal wall," Cox says. Then reach around to play with her clitoris using your fingers. (Use a small vibrator for extra intensity.) For over-the-top stimulation of her most nerve-packed parts, "keep thrusting short and shallow, rather than deep and fast."
7. Club Orgasm Isn't "Members Only"
Only one in five women we surveyed said their last orgasm came during penetration. "Most younger women want their partners to slow down and use their hands and mouths more," explains Juliet Richters, Ph. D., an Australian sex researcher who surveyed more than 19,000 people for her book Doing It Down Under.
In her survey, more than 90 percent of women were able to reach orgasm when their partners used only oral and manual stimulation. Here's the rub: Fifty-two percent of the women we surveyed said they've made a guy stop because they were afraid of taking too long.So how can you be sure she's not letting you off easy? "Say 'I love doing this, I could do this all day. Are you sure you want me to stop?' " Whipple says.
If you're the one worried about 20-plus minutes of exhausting tongue-lapping, though, "don't go faster—it won't make her reach orgasm sooner," Cox says. "If anything, slow down. The gentler and slower and more consistent you are, the quicker she'll arrive."
Another option: Enlist help. A small vibrator on her clitoris and your moist lips everywhere else should do the job.
8. Don't End Quickies With "Thanks!"
Only half of all women can reach orgasm when sex lasts 10 minutes or less, according to a 2009 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. "That means during a quickie, you'll probably finish and she won't," says Levkoff.
If she doesn't orgasm, make sure you'll have access to future rapid-fire sessions by saying, "Later tonight, it's going to be all about you."
Then follow through on that promise. Leave her hanging too many times, and she won't stick around for long.
9. The G-Spot Has Friends. Find Them
You're goal-oriented. Good.
But the G-spot and the clitoris aren't the only bull's-eyes.
"The most recent anatomical research suggests that the clitoris is perhaps better described as the 'clitoral complex,' where the vagina, urethra, and clitoris all function as a unit rather than as individual parts," explains Kinsey Institute researcher and Men's Health columnist Debby Herbenick, Ph. D.
Try working that clitoral complex by hitting multiple hot spots at once. Some researchers believe there's something called an A-spot, located far inside the vagina on the side closest to her belly button.
"Stroke this spot and she'll lubricate almost instantly," Cox says. "Put one lubed finger into her vagina as far as it will comfortably go. Use the whole length of your finger to explore the front wall of her vagina."
Now triple the sensation: Stick both index and middle finger inside her, and stick out your thumb like you're hitchhiking. It'll pull your fingers more snugly against her vaginal walls, stimulating both A-spot and G-spot simultaneously.
Then use your thumb to also stimulate her clitoris, and gently twist your hand.
10. "Ready" Is All Relative
"Just because a woman is lubricated doesn't mean she's ready for sex," says Richters.
Your woman's real prime time comes once she reaches a phase of arousal called "uterine tenting."
It's just like it sounds: The uterus backs out of the way and the vagina grows in length by as much as an inch.
"You'll experience deeper penetration, and the vagina will provide an intense grip to the head of your penis," says Barbara Keesling, Ph. D., a lecturer on human sexuality at California State University at Fullerton and the author of Men in Bed. "The orgasms are incredible."
Keesling says the best position is the butterfly: "Have her lie on her back and pull her knees up to her shoulders, tilting her pelvis so her vagina points up almost to the ceiling," she says.Since tenting can take anywhere from 30 seconds to, well, forever, focus on synchronizing the stimulation between your penis and her outer lips before entering her.
Lie pressed against each other with your penis snug between her legs, allowing her to slide and rub against you while you use your hands and mouth elsewhere. The warm, slick, and firm contact will bring her to a boil in no time.
11. Want to Have Sex? Do the Dishes
"If a woman is distracted by anything—work, lack of sleep, chores, a fight she had with a friend—it can interfere with her arousal," says Whipple.
Seven in 10 women we surveyed said helping around the home was a turn-on, but men do only about 30 percent of the chores, according to the Council on Contemporary Families.
The women we surveyed said they'd be most grateful if you did the dishes, cooked dinner, and did the laundry, in that order.
Score bonus points: Don't brag.
12. Don't Make Orgasm Your Only Goal
Desperation sinks her sex drive: A 2008 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that stress about sexual performance significantly decreases female arousal.
"Whatever you do, don't look up and ask, 'Are you close?' or 'Did you come?'" Whipple says. "It's distracting, and it adds unnecessary pressure."
See if you're on the right track by asking questions such as, "Do you like that?" and "Should I keep doing that?" instead.
And if you're waiting for her to reach orgasm during penetration, it's sometimes better to finish first, rather than holding out for half an hour.
"Women don't have orgasms every time, and they know it's not necessarily their partner's fault," Whipple says.
So take turns, Levkoff says. "You can always go back and use your hands and fingers to please her, if she's still turned on."

The Good Girl’s Guide to Rough Sex

It's OK to take a risk.

Who doesn't love that scene featuring Brad and Angelina in Mr. and Mrs. Smith?  You know, the one where they master the art of crazy-fierce sex. While it all looks hot AF on camera, you might be worried that things could get too out of hand (or just plain awkward) during an aggressive roll in the hay. But don't stress, here's what you need to know.
Why Rough Sex Can Be Super Hot
Obviously, true harm is not acceptable in sexual experiences, but we might feel compelled to conquer our partner or to be conquered. Though the term "predatory aggression" sounds a bit scary, it's actually a healthy form of aggression in sex. A man might feel so aroused by you that he wants to squeeze you and have his energy engulf you.
Each of us has a deep driving instinct to stay safe, so openly inviting someone to dominate us reduces our control over our own safety—which can make rough sex kind of a thrill. You can fuel intense passion with your partner by nudging each other to the edge of your comfort zones.
How to Keep Aggressive Sex in Check
To keep throw-me-down-tie-me-up sex from feeling too intimidating, try easing into it. Here are some guidelines to help you explore rough sex in a healthy way:
1. Build slowly. You can start with slightly risky behaviors and build on those as you cultivate trust with each other. Practice what you did a few more times with the same intensity. If you felt bad or closed off after the act, that's not good. Discuss what felt "off" and why.
2. Let your natural instincts lead the way. There's no need to sensor yourself. If either of you hurts the other's feelings, listen to each other, apologize, note that particular boundary, and get back to being as risky as you can.
3. Take a few chances. While respect and consent are critical, you'll need to push your comfort zone a little. Let your shared fantasies of finding the perfect aggression balance spark between you.
4. Let go and trust yourself. After talking about what you want, go for it! Trust your instincts and then ask for it.
5. Prepare for awkwardness. If you haven't practiced being aggressive, you'll almost certainly feel a little weird at first. But just be honest. No criticizing or shaming allowed.
6. Take turns. Practice yielding to your partner's aggressive dominance, and then lead with your own. Be sure to speak up if your partner oversteps the bounds. Likewise, ease up if your partner says you've gone too far. You can always return to aggressive play later.

Some Things Happy Couples Always Do Before Bed

"I honestly believe that if you go too long without sex, it can severely damage the connection in a relationship."

Routines get a bad rep when it comes to romance. (Cue images of eating dinner in front of the TV and passing out before you can even think about getting frisky.) But that's not necessarily the case. Plenty of happy couples will tell you that routine isn't the enemy—in fact, establishing a nightly habit can help strengthen your bond and make you even happier. As counterintuitive as it may sound, the secret to staying out of a relationship rut might actually be to establish a daily routine.
To dig a little deeper, we asked real women about the evening habits that help keep their relationships going strong. Their tried-and-true nightly activities are just a few examples of one or two things you can do to strengthen your own relationship. The benefits may surprise you.
1. Treat each other.
“Almost every night, we have ice cream or frozen yogurt treats. It's a little thing to see who volunteers to go downstairs and to the back of our big old house to the freezer to get them each night. Partway through whatever we’re watching that evening, one of us will ask, ‘Did you say something about popsicles?’ and the other will make the trek downstairs to the freezer where we keep a stock of frozen treats, and grab a surprise for the other. We settle in on the couch with our popsicles and our pups and just enjoy the downtime together. After 20 years of marriage, it's as much about the everyday tiny things as it is the grand gestures—if not more so!" —Dana, M., married 20 years
2. Take a stroll.
"We normally spend all our evenings together. We both work at home and a 45-minute walk through the neighborhood is a good end to the work day and start to the evening." —Linda M., married 16 years
3. Get it on.
“If we've gone more than a week without having sex, we both make a point to make time for that. I honestly believe that if you go too long without sex (like more than two to three weeks unless you physically can’t, due to illness or being apart) it can severely damage the connection in a relationship. Even when I couldn't have vaginal intercourse after giving birth, I think we probably waited only two to three weeks and then, let's just say, we got creative with non-vaginal sex...” —Kaitlin S., married six years
4. Spend quality time in the kitchen.
“Every night we cook dinner together—or at least keep one another company while the other cooks. When one of us gets home, the other always fixes the other a drink (usually not alcoholic, could just be sparkling water with lemon!) and for some reason that always feels like a nice way to start the evening.” —Ashley W., married two years
5. Turn TV time into together time.
“Our weekday evening habits are to watch the evening news with a plate of olives and other noshes then have dinner. Afterward, we watch TV. I love our binges! It still feels like a real treat to sit and watch and snuggle.” —Lisa D., married six years
6. Make time together a “chore.”
“When schedules get busy and we are coming home and eating at different times, it can be easy to fall into a pattern of launching into tasks. These bills need to get paid, this mail needs to get sorted, these dishes need to be washed. We try to make sure that some together time is also on the agenda.” —Naomi N., married six months
7. Make pillow talk more meaningful.
“At bedtime, we each share what our three best memories are from the day and one thing that we are grateful for. We also sleep holding hands.” —Echo G., married 35 years
8. Tuck each other in.
“We usually go to bed at the same time, but on the nights we don't, the person staying up always tucks the other in. It sounds really silly, but it's something sweet and simple we do for each other. It helps us connect—especially when we’re both swamped with work. —Kelli B., married one year
9. Schedule a regular night out.
“I never really understood the concept of having regular "date nights" after marriage, but now I totally get it! Going out really encourages conversation and forces you to relax and just spend time together in a way you don't when you're sitting around at home. I love having dinner at home with my husband, but there's a huge difference between eating and then quickly getting up to do the dishes and clean up as compared to just enjoying a nice meal at a restaurant. I think doing fun things together is a great way to keep your marriage enjoyable and healthy.” —Zara H., married one year

7 Ways to Make Sex Even Better

Strengthen your relationship with these bedroom bonding tips

It's no myth that sex, whether kinky or romantic, is a powerful way to increase intimacy with your partner.
Even science says so. During sex, your brain floods your body with hormones and neurochemicals, especially oxytocin, which is best known as the "love hormone"—and with good reason. Oxytocin decreases feelings of stress and dramatically increases feelings of trust, security, bonding, and love, says California-based couples therapist Mary Kay Cocharo, L.M.F.T.
Skin to skin touching triggers the release of these hormones, making stripping down with your partner one of the quickest and easiest ways to deepen your relationship. Want to take things a step further? Here are seven simple—and sexy—things that will make your next romp more intimate.
Be vocal.
Keeping quiet during sex means you’re missing out on an opportunity to build your bond with your partner. Tell them what feels good and what doesn't—and vocalize the pleasure you're experiencing, Cocharo says. “Whether it's through words or moans and groans, you want to show that you're in the present moment with each other.”
Breathe deeply.
Breathing deeply communicates pleasure and doing so in tandem with your partner can help heighten arousal, Cocharo explains. “In tantric sex, we teach people to breathe together to create more connection and more eroticism.”
Unplug.
Avoid distractions at all costs. Make sure the television is off and your phone is silent—your texts and voicemails can wait. During sex, you and your partner should be solely focused on each other, says Cocharo. If you're not, you're missing out on an opportunity to bond, or even worse, you risk offending your partner.
Remove pets from the bedroom.
A lot of people sleep with their pets in their bed, but it can be a major buzzkill to have your dog or cat staring at you while you have sex. Not to mention, really awkward.
“If you're trying to look into your partner's eyes and you glance over, and your dog's looking into your eyes, it kind of breaks the mood,” Cocharo points out.
Snuggle with your pets later.
Make your bedroom a work-free zone.
You sleep in your bedroom, and you have sex in your bedroom. It's not, however, a place to do work, pay bills, or talk on the phone, says Cocharo. She suggests removing computers and charging your cellphone overnight somewhere else. They will only distract you from paying attention to your partner.
Open your eyes.
Try focusing on making eye contact next time you're in bed. “There is neuroscience that shows that when two people gaze into each other's eyes, at a close distance—say 18 or 20 inches—that the reactive part of the brain, the limbic brain, calms and allows people to experience a deeper connection,” Cocharo explains.
Just be conscious about breaking that stare if it starts to feel awkward. You don't want to kill the vibe by bordering on creepy.
Plan a romantic evening.
Let's put it like this: Not every meal needs to be a five-course dinner. A quick burger can really hit the spot sometimes, but too much fast food is never a good thing, either.
During sex, not every romp needs to be quick and intense, sometimes you need to slow down and savor the intimate moments, too. That takes time and requires some planning on your part, Cocharo says. So make sure you carve out time for foreplay and set the mood—she'll notice the effort.

Sex And Sleep Will Make You Happier Than Money Ever Could

A new study has found that making more money has very little effect on overall happiness

Ever think that you'd be so much happier if you were the guy driving down the street in a car that costs as much as someone's house? Turns out, if you're getting quality Zs and have a happy sex life, you're the one winning, man. A new study has found the top indicators of happiness, and money doesn't even hit the top five.
The study conducted by researchers from Oxford Economics and the National Centre for Social Research in Great Britain, asked 8,250 people of varying backgrounds to fill out a 60-question survey to determine what it means to "live well." The questions covered everything — from the state of an individual's sleep quality, finances, and job security to their relationships with friends, family and their community. And the results? They weren't what you'd expect.
The result was the creation of the Sainsbury’s Living Well Index, which generated a list of the top factors that separated the happiest 20 percent from everyone else. In order of biggest influence, sleep quality, sex life, job security, health of close relatives and chatting to neighbors were the top five factors that determined who was actually living well.
Some of these results should come as little surprise, since we already know how a bad sleep schedule affects your health, but the fact that money doesn't rank at the top of the list might. In fact, according to Metro, researchers found that those who had good sleep and a sex life they were satisfied with (no, that doesn't mean loads of sex; although tantra might help) had higher "living well" scores than those people with a high income.
The study found that income had very little impact on a person's perception of well-being. In fact, a 50 percent increase in disposable income only led to a miniscule increase in a person's "living well" score.
That's not to say we should all just quit our jobs to have sex and sleep all day. Being unemployed, suffering from problems with physical and mental health, and lacking a strong support network were the top three factors that separated those who were struggling from feeling like they were living well. So while income may not be important, job security certainly is.
So what does that mean for you? Granted, this research was done on people living in Great Britain, but the country bears many similarities to ours. Bottom line, if you want to be happier, it's time to buddy up with that bed in more ways than one and give those relationships in your life some much-needed attention.
If sleep is your problem, check out these 5 strategies to get some quality z's. If it's your sex life, here are the most common sex problems couples run into— and how to solve them. And if it's your job, don't worry: You can still land the career of your dreams.