Why 5 Women Cheated On Their Husbands—and How to Avoid the Same Fate

If your relationship is teetering, it might not take much to push her into another bed

The Ashley Madison hack last summer gave men a false sense of security. Once the curtain was pulled back, it very much appeared that millions of men were chasing, like, one willing woman.
How so?
The hack exposed millions of email addresses, most of which reportedly belonged to men.
And the hot women they were anxiously chatting with? Many may have been fictional personas created by the company.
(According to the British tabloid Daily Mail, 40,000 women on the site shared the same six email addresses. Ashley Madison denied the claim.)
But don’t let your guard down.
Of course women cheat—19 percent of them, says Kristen Mark, Ph.D., a sexuality researcher. They just may not cheat for the same reasons you do. And they’re not dumb enough to put personal info on the world’s largest cheating website.
If your relationship is already faltering, here are five reasons she could end up in another man’s bed.
Why She Cheats: Her Age
Marsha, a paralegal in Boston, was everything a man could want in a wife: She was beautiful, intelligent, and funny, not to mention limber because of her devotion to yoga.
But then, as her 40th birthday drew near, she slept with her instructor.
“She felt her looks were fading,” says marriage therapist Paul Hokemeyer, Ph.D. “The affair made her feel more desirable.”
Yes, fine, but every year millions of people get older without getting busy with the teacher after yoga class. So why is Marsha any different?
One theory: A 2014 study suggests we subconsciously attach significance to “nine-ender” years.
When we’re a year away from the odometer rolling over, we become more aware of the passage of time and youth, and we may do stupid things because we think the clock is running out.
What to Do About It
Fill up your calendar. Reflecting on what we have or haven’t achieved over the past decade can lead to bleak thoughts, says quality-of-life researcher Michael Steger, Ph.D.
So, be the man who makes things happen.
“If travel is important, you might plan a birthday trip that satisfies shared goals—like Hawaii if you’ve both wanted to try hiking a volcano.”
Bonus: When her mind’s on molten lava, the last thing she’ll be thinking about is her yoga instructor.
Why She Cheats: The Money
Emily, 35, had every reason to be furious with her husband. After she’d made a few too many purchases on her debit card, he cut up the plastic in front of her in a humiliating power play.
“I had to tell him where I was going and he would give me a spending limit,” she says.
The nice way to describe this: He was trying his best to keep the budget in check—and stepped about five miles over the line.
Problem is, exerting too much financial control, especially when you do it like a condescending jerk, breeds major-league resentment and can push your partner to seek payback, Hokemeyer says.
And that’s exactly what Emily did.
“A few months after that incident,” she says, “I slept with my high school boyfriend.”
What to Do About It
Don’t seize control or point fingers.
Instead, share the financial responsibility by using a budgeting app like Mint, which notifies both of you as spending limits draw near.
This way you’re both accountable for the money going into and coming out of your account.
Why She Cheats: She’s Expecting a Prince
You would hope your wife understands that perfect men don’t exist.
But then there’s “Kyle.”
He writes poems and sends flowers, and he seems so sensitive.
Guys like Kyle make women like Sarah, a 30-year-old dentist in North Carolina, second-guess their marriages.
When people expect perfection in a partner, it usually sets them up for long-term disappointment. That nugget of obvious wisdom came from a 2014 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.
“He made my husband pale in comparison,” Sarah says. “I slept with him because I was convinced he could fill the voids in my life.”
Well, Kyle filled at least one of those voids, and shortly thereafter, Sarah and her husband landed in divorce court.
What to Do About It
You can’t be everything she wants, and you have to be okay with that—and so does she.
But you can become a little better than you are.
The next time you two are squabbling, try this trick: “Fights tend to take place in the past or in the present,” says Jay Heinrichs, author of Thank You for Arguing.
So switch to future tense instead.
“If you’re fighting about who makes dinner, say, ‘I’ll set up a cooking schedule if you’ll agree to eat eggs for dinner,’” he says.
You’ll never be Prince Charming, but at least you’re offering to cook the occasional omelet.
Why She Cheats: She Wants to Be Bad
When her marriage began to fray, Ali, a 25-year-old marketing assistant, found herself in bed with the kind of roughneck guy she’d always avoided.
“When I met him, it seemed inevitable that we’d have sex,” she says.
Whaaaat? Why do smart women consider jumping into bed with knuckle-dragging thugs? Researchers call this phenomenon the “ovulatory shift hypothesis.”
During peak fertility—when ovaries are primed to do the dirty mambo—a rational woman may find herself attracted to men she’d be terrified to see in a dark alley, says Vinita Mehta, Ph.D., the author of an upcoming book on dating and relationships.
It’s not necessarily her fault; it’s our old-school survival instincts.
Masculine genes increase the chances that kids will have a sturdy constitution to survive.
Worse, Mehta says, research shows that her impulse to stray becomes even stronger if you’re less physically attractive by conventional standards.
What to Do About It
Appeal to a more evolved instinct: her brain.
Strength isn’t just about brawn. Demonstrate that you’re educated, successful, self-reliant, and commitment-oriented.
Mehta suggests finding more modern ways to display your plumage. Try sharing experiences that show your strengths—the theater, a museum, a trail hike.
She might think twice about putting her relationship at further risk with a one-night stand.
Why She Cheats: She Just Wants More
Who doesn’t want to be the guy who can’t go out in public without his wife leaning over and whispering, “I’m not wearing panties. Let’s go see if we can find an empty closet.”
But sometimes, in the real world, crazy sex isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be.
That’s how the trouble began for Lisa, a 31-year-old saleswoman. She wanted sex every night and her boyfriend didn’t.
“He only gave it to me once a week. What’d he expect?” she says of her stepping out.
Well, for starters, that you wouldn’t cheat on him. But when sexual expectations don’t match, it can quickly lead to trouble.
What to Do About It
The two biggest reasons women cheat, says sex researcher Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., are that they feel undesired or unattractive, especially as they become older.
Sex is one way to fix it, but another is to appreciate her for who she is, not who you want her to be.
Don’t insult her with meaningless compliments. Listen to her and validate who she really is.

7 Creepy Things You Should Never Do When You Meet a Woman

This stuff should be obvious, but judging by this reddit thread, it's not

When you're meeting a woman for the first time, it shouldn't be hard to strike up a simple conversation that doesn't weird her out. Unfortunately, some guys seem to be missing the mark.
That's the only possible conclusion we can draw from a recent reddit thread that asked: "Women, what are common ways unfamiliar men make you uncomfortable or creeped out?" The questioned garnered thousands of responses with tales of intolerable behavior from men, and we've collected some of them here so you can make sure you never, ever follow in their footsteps.
Just stop catcalling. It never, ever works.
From socampo32214: "A stranger cat calling me from his truck the other day when I was driving home. He would speed up or slow down to keep pace with me. Yelling at me through his window and honking his horn. I was finally able to slam on my brakes and he stopped, but how annoying. I'm in Texas and I wouldn't dream of doing anything like that to someone because we like our self defense weapons here."
Don't make jokes about a woman’s ethnicity.
From Anomalous_Amygdalae: "Make creepy comments/assumptions because of my ethnicity. When I tell some men about my nationality they go: Ooooooh Latina... And make weird comments involving the word 'Caliente'... Asking me if I like to dance reggueaton (while being in a work environment), as if by being reminded of my heritage, I'll suddenly snap and go Shakira on their dick."
Never touch a woman unless you’re explicitly invited to.
From Corrievrechan: “Overly familiar touching. For instance, I was doing First Aid training in a pretty small class. Just me, one male and one female teacher, and two guys who were also in training. One of the guys would do stuff like put his arm around my waist or shoulder while one of the teachers was talking. I was 15, he was 17 or 18, and it made me extremely uncomfortable. I didn't know him at all, and we had barely spoken to each other. I never said anything about it, just waited for the class to end so I would never have to see him again. These days I would yell at a guy who tried that.”
Don't be a social media stalker.
From timmehjimmeh7: "I'm not sure how common this is, but when I took my car in to my dealership for my service, I gave my keys to the mechanic and went inside to wait without saying anything to him. Late that day, I got a friend request on social media. He had apparently taken my professional car file to figure out who I was and find me. This file also has my address and phone, so I was pretty worried and creeped out."
Don't hug when a handshake is more appropriate.
From griffalow: "I work in the television industry and often find myself working with all male crews when filming on location. Most of the men greet each other by hand-shaking, but when it comes to greeting me, nine times out of ten they go in for a hug or kiss on the cheek. It makes me feel as though they're seeing me differently to other members of the crew and that's the part that makes me feel uncomfortable. I obviously want to be viewed as equal, and even though it's a small thing it makes me realize that I'm being seen as different because of my gender. Anyone else experienced this too?"
Don't stare at women's chest. It's rude and creepy—and they know you're doing it.
From Tiredofstandingstill: "When they talk to you and try to look you in the eye but keep glancing at your boobs. I'm not blind and I never have my cleavage out, probably due to people just staring, so now I wear t-shirts with a jumper or coat on and you still catch them trying to look. Pisses me off, I'm covered up and they still perv."
If she's wearing headphones, she doesn't want to talk to you about anything—and certainly not about marriage.
From sociablebot: "One of the worst transit experiences I've had was with someone like this. I was wearing headphones, had my backpack in my seat next to me, and was playing Animal Crossing on my [Nintendo] 3DS. When he asked to sit next to me, I moved my bag because that's what you do on a bus that always gets super crowded even though there were other available seats at the time.
He waited until the bus went express and then starts talking to me. I kept one earbud in and kept playing my game and just giving the same non-answer to everything he asked me. He went from just telling me things about his life to asking about my opinion on arranged marriages and how he should talk to my dad to arrange a marriage with me. Right before he got off, he asked for my Facebook. I told him I didn't believe in social media. I was planning my exit strategy and was going to get off before my stop and go into a building I knew I could get help at. Thankfully he got off a stop before that."

9 Things Happy Couples Always Do Before Bed

"I honestly believe that if you go too long without sex, it can severely damage the connection in a relationship."

Routines get a bad rep when it comes to romance. (Cue images of eating dinner in front of the TV and passing out before you can even think about getting frisky.) But that's not necessarily the case. Plenty of happy couples will tell you that routine isn't the enemy—in fact, establishing a nightly habit can help strengthen your bond and make you even happier. As counterintuitive as it may sound, the secret to staying out of a relationship rut might actually be to establish a daily routine.
To dig a little deeper, we asked real women about the evening habits that help keep their relationships going strong. Their tried-and-true nightly activities are just a few examples of one or two things you can do to strengthen your own relationship. The benefits may surprise you.
1. Treat each other.
“Almost every night, we have ice cream or frozen yogurt treats. It's a little thing to see who volunteers to go downstairs and to the back of our big old house to the freezer to get them each night. Partway through whatever we’re watching that evening, one of us will ask, ‘Did you say something about popsicles?’ and the other will make the trek downstairs to the freezer where we keep a stock of frozen treats, and grab a surprise for the other. We settle in on the couch with our popsicles and our pups and just enjoy the downtime together. After 20 years of marriage, it's as much about the everyday tiny things as it is the grand gestures—if not more so!" —Dana, M., married 20 years
2. Take a stroll.
"We normally spend all our evenings together. We both work at home and a 45-minute walk through the neighborhood is a good end to the work day and start to the evening." —Linda M., married 16 years
3. Get it on.
“If we've gone more than a week without having sex, we both make a point to make time for that. I honestly believe that if you go too long without sex (like more than two to three weeks unless you physically can’t, due to illness or being apart) it can severely damage the connection in a relationship. Even when I couldn't have vaginal intercourse after giving birth, I think we probably waited only two to three weeks and then, let's just say, we got creative with non-vaginal sex...” —Kaitlin S., married six years
4. Spend quality time in the kitchen.
“Every night we cook dinner together—or at least keep one another company while the other cooks. When one of us gets home, the other always fixes the other a drink (usually not alcoholic, could just be sparkling water with lemon!) and for some reason that always feels like a nice way to start the evening.” —Ashley W., married two years
5. Turn TV time into together time.
“Our weekday evening habits are to watch the evening news with a plate of olives and other noshes then have dinner. Afterward, we watch TV. I love our binges! It still feels like a real treat to sit and watch and snuggle.” —Lisa D., married six years
6. Make time together a “chore.”
“When schedules get busy and we are coming home and eating at different times, it can be easy to fall into a pattern of launching into tasks. These bills need to get paid, this mail needs to get sorted, these dishes need to be washed. We try to make sure that some together time is also on the agenda.” —Naomi N., married six months
7. Make pillow talk more meaningful.
“At bedtime, we each share what our three best memories are from the day and one thing that we are grateful for. We also sleep holding hands.” —Echo G., married 35 years
8. Tuck each other in.
“We usually go to bed at the same time, but on the nights we don't, the person staying up always tucks the other in. It sounds really silly, but it's something sweet and simple we do for each other. It helps us connect—especially when we’re both swamped with work. —Kelli B., married one year
9. Schedule a regular night out.
“I never really understood the concept of having regular "date nights" after marriage, but now I totally get it! Going out really encourages conversation and forces you to relax and just spend time together in a way you don't when you're sitting around at home. I love having dinner at home with my husband, but there's a huge difference between eating and then quickly getting up to do the dishes and clean up as compared to just enjoying a nice meal at a restaurant. I think doing fun things together is a great way to keep your marriage enjoyable and healthy.” —Zara H., married one year

Breaking the Ice: Making Your Date Laugh

Whenever someone is about to make a big speech, they usually start by breaking the ice with a joke. It’s a good way to get everybody laughing, and laughing has a great calming effect on people.

Being funny doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Even the greatest comedians have noted that comedy is hard. So, how should you proceed?  While you may not be able to have your date in ultimatum stitches of laughter like Jerry Seinfeld could, you can at least evoke a little giggle if you go about it the right way.
1. Tell a joke. Whether you choose to tell a knock-knock joke or one of those, “three dogs walked into a bar,” jokes, if you tell it well, it can be a perfect way to break the ice. Just remember to keep it clean, especially on a first date. Everyone has different standards of what’s appropriate banter and what isn’t, so you don’t want to start offending anyone in the first 10 minutes of meeting them.
2. Make a comical observation. For example, if the waiter is a bit snippy, this is your chance to make a comical observation about it. Don’t be rude, but when you draw in a third party to your conversation and can laugh about it, you’ll immediately lighten the mood. It’s what Jerry Seinfeld would do, and he always got all the ladies.
Snarky Observation (Not advisable): “I can’t believe they call this a sandwich.”
Funny Observation: “Do you think the cook forgot the onions because he’s looking out for me?
3. Make fun of yourself. The person who can make fun of themselves is someone who’s really at peace with who they are and all the flaws that come with being human. If you’re not a natural joke teller or your observation skills are completely lacking, then make fun of yourself. A little self deprecation can break the ice and break the tension for both of you.
4. Initiate a silly game.From a game of eye-spying people with a certain feature (mustache or funny walk), to agreeing to talk with a certain accent all night, make up something fun that will have you both giggling.
5. Just laugh. Similar to yawning, laughing is contagious. It’s science. If you can push out a deep belly laugh, even if it’s out of nowhere, do it. Your date will follow your lead and you’ll be able to feel comfortable right away.

Dating rules

Let us discuss a few dating rules. These rules are obviously not set in stone,
but they can generally be beneficial. The rules are particularly interesting for those new
to the dating world and will help you to survive the first date.

1 Let's take it easy, no complicated arrangements. That means no dinner by candlelight,
no flowers, no stopping and no excessive door somber conversations about the future.
Just be two people who have fun together. Nothing more, nothing less.
2 Keep a back door open. This is especially important if you meet someone you
have met online. Are you planning a first date always so that you can leave it at any time
if it is running very poorly. Meet for a drink or a coffee and prepare it so much so that
the other person know that you only have one hour to the next appointment. Such "events"
can still "magically" disappear when you get on well.
3 Keep your schedule flexible. One of the biggest mistakes in newcomers, the planning of
the conspiracy to take too well. A date is not a class outing. You do not need to know at
every moment what would happen the next moment. Relax, let yourself go and you do not plan
too much. You can get quiet before a few thoughts, but you can run the evening, as he runs.
4th Do not go to the movies. Movies are not really for first appointments. They are not really bad.
If you are extremely shy, it may even be beneficial to spend two hours with someone
without having to talk to. However, I would at the first meeting, if possible, refrain from
the cinema.
5th No dinner for the first time the same as with the cinema, but for another reason.
Ironically, many people believe, the first meeting should be a movie and dinner.
This is just awful! Food is too serious and too personal. To eat with someone whom you barely know,
is unpleasant. Stand out this for later on. At the first appointment, you'd better have a drink.
6th Not overdo it with your wardrobe! Appointments should not be as serious, but fun.
A person's clothing has a major influence on their personality. If someone is dressed very poorly,
 he usually has no self confidence. Extremely well-dressed people often seem arrogant.
Put on just adequate. That means casual, relaxed, but appealing.
7th Humor, humor, humor! The importance of humor when an appointment can not be overemphasized.
People like to spend time with other people who make them laugh. You can look completely average.
If you have a cheerful nature, you will be more popular than any supermodel.
8th No talks on the former or, okay?
9th No big words, please! Do not come to your appointment with an arsenal of cool sayings that
you have read in some silly magazine. That is always lame and transparent. Just relax and be
as you are. If you do not like the others for your own sake, then so be it and you do not have to
keep your time to disappear.
10th Use the name of the other. People like to hear their own name. So instead of saying,
"You are indeed quite a daredevil," say they prefer ". So Catherine, you're quite a daredevil,
" You may, however, do not overdo it. When I started even with the dating, I once told a girl,
she found me strange because I've always said your name. That was embarrassing!
11th Build on others. Pull it down or never. This can be complicated. You should not build
the other by sucking up to. For this you can not expect respect. Give her his opponent just felt
a great person. The best way to achieve this, you give to him or "I am so with you."
You are great, the other is too great, since he or she is with you.
12th No other girls or guys look behind!
13th Treat waiters and bartenders generous, even if you feel they were overpaid and easily
replaced (which is also true). The way you treat people in the service industry,
says a lot about you as a person. Give good tips, please be kind.
Do not expect too much from them and not treat them unfavorably.
14th They do not complain. Point. You complain about absolutely nothing.
People complain they're not particularly popular. The only allowable exception is
for someone else to complain: "What your friend did was not fair to you."
15th Do not expect anything. The fact that someone agreed with you, is not an invitation to sex.
The other person owes you nothing, and vice versa. Just enjoy the moment. That is enough.

Going out with several people

If you get seriously into the "dating market", you will be traveling with quite
a few people here and there may well be some overlap. Some may find this objectionable,
but I do not think that there are fundamental ethical objections to this practice.
In life some people it is very useful to maintain multiple superficial relationships, as deep.
There's nothing wrong with that.
However, the dating can be a problem with several people. I feel very strongly for
the people with whom I go out. Even if I'm not really into them, I still have high respect for
them as a person and will do anything that might hurt their feelings. And right there lies
the problem. Here are some things you should be aware when you go out with several people:
Do not talk about others
I never talk to the person with whom I have just composed, by another person with whom I go out.
From the perspective of my particular dates, they are the only person I meet. Do not get me wrong.
I would not incite to lie. If I were to ask one of the persons with whom I go out,
how many other people in the meet, I would say that I do not think this conversation particularly
effective. If they would insist on an answer, I would tell her the truth.
When dating, it's about two people that enjoy the company of others and show their affection for
each other. These special feelings you can not teach if they are constantly talking about another
person and then look through even make it this is not just an ordinary friendship.
Women are particularly bad in this respect. Please, dear ladies! We do not want to hear from
other men when we go out with you. If you go out with someone, then you give him or
her 100 percent of your affection and attention.
Take notes
It sounds a bit strange, but I'm happy to note the people with whom I go out.
I write on where they come from, what they do for a living, what things they like or funny
things that we talked about. After every appointment I make a few notes on this meeting,
and keep at it. Should I go out again with the same person, I watch a few minutes before I
losgehe at my notes. This method helps me to get into the mood, so my date is given full
attention. You must not write detailed essays. A few specific key points should be enough to get
the person to recall.
Set mute your phone
When I go out I put my phone on "vibrate only". The same thing I propose to you also,
even if you go out with currently only one person. If your phone constantly during
the appointment makes noise, it can completely destroy your mood or your date's
confidence (in you). I only watch it on my phone when the other person goes to the toilet or
for other reasons I'm alone for a moment.
Keep your bedroom clean
If an appointment ends in your bedroom, you should ensure that no traces indicate other
individuals with whom you go out. Before you go out, you should condom packaging,
long blonde hair and similar in principle to remove and clean up. I can assure you that no
one even intimate nascent meeting ended as abruptly as the discovery of an empty condom wrapper in the trash.

Internet dating

They have been replaced with someone a long time online and want to finally meet you in person.
As you prepare for this first meeting, what to look for, what you should do in any case,
you learn here.

Online dating not only offers many opportunities but also many risks. So a couple of really
serious dating tips for the first meeting with the potential future life partner.
Meet on neutral ground - in a bar, a restaurant in a park - definitely a lot of people busy and
visible place. On the Internet there are black sheep and chaotic. Tell a friend, a girlfriend,
where you meet. Catch up on any case on the first date in your own home. This is a big risk.
Limit the time for the start of the first date. That is, if you make the first meeting,
then do the same show that only 30 or 60 minutes to spare. If the other turns out to be a disaster,
or boring pain in the ass, you can say goodbye gracefully after a short time.
Announce before the first date, no phone numbers or other contact information (email address).
Enter your anonymity on only if you have taken some confidence to the other - maybe the second
meeting? When you enter your landline number, please remember that everyone can get out
of having your phone number on the Internet and your address. Use e-mail address as a free e-mail
address.
Turn off your cell phone number transfer. To avoid the callee experiencing your mobile
phone number. You want to give up your own number? Not recommended: the private,
fixed line because you can find it on various Internet services your address.
It is best to use a prepaid phone card.
Do not be picked up at home and can not after the date take her home. Do not take the car
the other a piece.
Are you interested in the other. Why? Who interesssiert for others is interesting.
And how do you do that? Quite simply by open-ended questions. These are questions to which you
can not answer with yes or no. Open questions start with How, 'Why?, In what way?, Where?
Through open-ended questions keep a conversation going and make it interesting and rich.
If you want to learn to entertain themselves at ease, then the counselor is only a first step,
heart to the right place for you.
Confidence is extremely important. With a good self-confidence to act on other attractive and
interesting. If you behave like a little gray mouse, then you should not be surprised if others
see you as the little gray mouse and turn away.
If you generally lacking in confidence and think little of themselves, then the counselor is
This win-win you more confidence highly recommended.
What should a first date talk not: Talk to the first meeting never know when you feel lonely and
unhappy. Also failed relationships, problems with the ex or the ex is flirting killer.
Such topics gymnastics from most people. The first date is not finally overcome the past and
the processing of disappointments.
Are absolutely taboo topics such as politics, money, and sexual issues - women love,
remember - fertility. When you see the man on the first date of you on the subject of
children speak to them, then that was probably the first and last meeting with this man
Give out at the first meeting not all of himself. This is a kind of precaution that your
protection is also a psychological strategy. So say not concrete, in which employer you work for,
the industry is completely sufficient (or do you know that your acquaintance will surprise you
after work in front of your office?) If you have one or the other in the dark,
then the mystery have that makes you interesting. Just as likely your counterpart at
the first meeting, all his socks are cheap, you should not do it.
Do not be fooled by appearances. Cars can be leased and expensive designer suits can
be bought on credit, the Rolex on the arm can be a deceptively real-looking replica, and, and ...
Take your time getting to know each other. Listen to him to encourage him to talk about
themselves and see whether the way, as he says and what he says, is consistent and you like it.
Talk as possible before the first meeting by telephone at the other. Why? Because the voice of
a man very much can be said about him or because you feel often been at the way the other speaks,
can decide whether you want to meet him. This only works if the other gives you his number or
give up your anonymity and tell the other your number. (See above)
Topics that are taboo on the first date: infertility (male turns her off rather than on),
or the explosion of personal problems, complaints about their own personal, financial,
family or professional situation.
What should be the Prince Charming or the dream girl?
The more accurate you should have an idea of ??your future partner should be like,
what properties, interests and values ??he has, the better the chances of finding
the right people to find partners. It is therefore important that you understand your
expectations clear. The single test will help you.